On Being Cute

Of course I'm biased, but I think both of my boys are adorable. With three and a half years between them, they do very different things and they're cute in very different ways. Two-year-olds happen to say more things on a daily basis that are just funny. Or they do funny things. This isn't to say Jacob isn't adorable. He is. What defines Jacob to me, though, is how brilliant he is. It's the first thing that comes to mind. He amazes me every day. Every little peek into his brain blows me away.

At the apple orchard, I had Jacob wait in the main part of the women's bathroom while I was in one of the stalls. I heard him keep saying, "I'm not in line. I'm just waiting for my mom." He has such a sweet, sweet little voice. When I got out, I said, "You're so cute." He said, "Cute like Benjamin?"

That broke my heart. I tried explaining that he is every bit as cute as Benjamin, but they're cute in different ways. He accepted this, but I kept stumbling on and still couldn't find a way to let his fivesix-year-old mind know I treasure him just as much as I treasure Benjamin. It's complicated explaining to someone his age that two-year-olds do silly baby things and they're often things that make us laugh, but that doesn't mean he's cuter than Jacob.

My heart aches for him because I know how this feels. I remember how everyone thought Anne was so cute and funny (she was) and how it didn't cross my mind that I could ever be cute or funny. I wanted to be, but just accepted it wasn't part of who I am. And it's not like my parents didn't praise me or say I was wonderful in many other ways. It's so easy to label our kids as "the cute one" or "the smart one." It's just human nature, I think. We like labels. It makes things neat and tidy and then everyone can be put into a category in our brain compartments. As adults we know no one fits into only one category, but I think we often don't express it verbally.

Yes, Jacob is smart and analytical. He also has a clever sense of humor and the sweetest little singing voice ever. When he does his funny little things, I need to remember to tell him he's funny. And when he smiles at me and melts my heart, I need to tell him so out loud, because he notices. He keeps mental stock of the times we talk about Benjamin being cute, and it matters to him. He adores Benjamin and thinks he's hilarious, but he needs to realize we all feel the same way about him.