So, the YMCA has a contest between the boys and girls to bring in dollars and coins. So, a couple of times a week, we'll give Jacob our change or a couple of dollars to bring in. Nothing special. One afternoon, the program director made a point of thanking me for our donation. I said, "Um, you're welcome?" Pretty confused. She said, "Did Jacob not tell you? I asked him four times if you'd say it was okay and he said yes." "Um...." Jacob had donated $40 that morning. She said, "I wasn't sure so I didn't turn it in and I can give it back. I'm so sorry!" I told her not to worry and that I'd talk with Greg and Jacob that night.
I got into the car and asked Jacob if he had anything he wanted to tell me.
Jake: Nope.
Me: Anything you might have lied about?
Jake: Nope.
Me: Ms. Catherine said you donated $40 this morning.
Jake: Well, it was in my wallet so I thought you put it there to donate!
Me: Jake, you know we didn't do that. You put it there and you hid it from us.
Jake: No, I just didn't remember it was in there, so when I saw it, I thought you had said it was okay to give to them.
Me: I think you're lying.
Jake: No, I'm really not! I really thought you said it was okay!
Me: We never talked about this. You're lying.
Me: We never talked about this. You're lying.
Jake: (silence)
Me: Jake, I love that you like helping people. I do. I know you're lying, though, and you can't lie to us.
Jake: (whispering) I know.
Me: Why would you lie to me and to Ms. Catherine? That's just awful!
Jake: Well, it's just that... When I gave them the money I just felt really good.
(ARGH! How are you supposed to punish that?!?!?)
Me: Okay, well, we'll talk about it at home. (We were in the car so I couldn't actually look at him.)
I tried to change the subject and asked how school was. I only got quiet, very sad, one-word replies. This kid is so good at breaking my heart.
When we got home, Jacob got out of the car, walked past Greg and Benjamin, and put himself in the time out chair. I almost started laughing during his very serious, tragic moment. We haven't used the time out chair for Jacob for several years. Greg gave me a "What's that about?" look and I had him join me in the bedroom to talk. I was leaning toward not punishing him at all because he was already truly sorry. Greg pointed out that we can't just overlook lying. Sigh. Sometimes trying to be a good parent is very difficult.
When I went back to Jacob in time out, he was crying quietly (Way to go, Jake... Rip mom's heart into shreds).
Me: Jake, you are such a good kid. You are a good person. You care so much about people and you want to help everyone, and I think that's wonderful. I'm happy that you wanted to give your money to another family. But you can't lie to help people.
Jake: (sniffling) I know. I'm sorry.
Me: What do you think I should do?
Jake: You should punish me! (still sniffling)
Me: Well, what do you think would be fair?
Jake: No video games for two weeks! (And then he started to cry again... he LOVES video games and he only gets to play them on weekends.)
Me: Well, let's just do one week and then we'll talk a little more about not lying.
Fast forward to the next day. When I picked Jacob up from school, I asked him how his day had been.
Jake: Great!
Me: Really! Why?
Jake: Well, I told Ms. Catherine I was sorry for lying and I feel SO much better!
He may be prone to to whining, he may be a bit bossy at times, and he has many other flaws just like the rest of us, but this boy has such a good heart. He is such a good, good person and I am so proud to be his mother.
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